On June 22nd of 2011 I was suddenly let go from the company that I had been working with for 6 years, 3 months, and one day. I had been put into a newly created position on the inside management, while prior to that I was doing outside sales. When I came in after "my weekend" at Wednesday at 12:30pm for a closing shift, I was almost immediately called into the office, where the H.R. person was surprisingly sitting. I was told that the main component of my position was going to be discontinued, as it was becoming too dangerous for everyone. I asked about the upcoming groups that would be coming in in the next few months, and was told that they would do their best to honor those. I was then told that there was no other full-time position available for me, and that my job was being disbanded that day. They charmingly asked if I wanted to continue to work the rest of the day, or just go home. Of course I was so stunned, hurt, and about to break down, that I opted to leave immediately.
People ask why I was not put back into my prior sales position. Easy. There were now a whole slew of people in my position. People ask why there was nothing else offered to me after all of the time that I had been there. I can't answer that, except for that there were already a bunch of management level employees in that section of the business.
People that know me, know that I have always given 110% to my past employers, and left the insurance industry after 14 years to enter into this new career path. I spent most of the last 6 years working too much, not seeing my family and friends, missing out on all of the fun get togethers, birthday parties, and pretty much life. I wanted to help this company to become more well-known and respected, was willing to spend very long days -and nights -and weekends, working to keep my accounts feeling they were being attended to. I would answer my cell at 3:30am if I knew the caller -and would have them say in shock they were just calling to leave an order and didn't expect me to answer. I would get it all taken care of, and then just go back to bed. I didn't want someone to not get a callback asap if I was stuck in a meeting or non-reception area.
I lived, breathed, and died for that company. Yeah, totally cliche. But true. My friends would torment me over the tiny bits of time that I managed for them, I wound up "selling" to them or to others around us. I was repeatedly told by others in the industry that I would get screwed in the end, and that I was placing too much faith on them. I always denied that could happen. I said that I planned to be there till the day I died. My boss always use to half-joke that he would tell people that if it came down to having to let me go, it would be more humane to just take me out back and shoot me. We joked together that it was completely true. I guess that he was glad to be in Texas the day it happened, so he wasn't there to have to hold the gun to my head. It is true that it would have been more humane than how this all happened.
My best analogy that I can think of to describe how that day felt (as I have been getting counseling, and have wonderful parents that are willing to listen to me alot), is that it was like a marriage. I jumped into it full force, gave it everything I had, knew that even with the ups and downs that we were partners and all was going to be amazing. Then one day while Im cooking the hubby's favorite dinner excited about upcoming plans we had made, he walks in the door and drops divorce papers on the table and says "get all of your shit out of the house immediately". It felt worse than a break-up, or a dumping. There was no chance for counseling (looking for alternative solutions), it was just suddenly over.
I moved to be closer to the company about 5 years ago, leaving all of my family and close friends about a 45minute to hour drive away. Yeah, that doesn't seem that crazy far, but with the tiny bit of time I had that I wasn't working an event, or having to drive somewhere far early in the morning, made it difficult -especially when these people had lives to deal with also. Two years ago in January I decided that I was so secure in the company, that I would buy a house in the area. I took almost all of my savings from my Insurance job's 401k plan, and then still was having trouble finding something I could afford that my Mom wouldn't look at the listing of my "top houses" and walk out of the room growling "I Will NOT Have My Daughter Living in a HOVEL!!" Eventually they co-signed as non-resident owners, which allowed me another 10grand money to look up in the listings. They didn't have to put that money down, but if I die, they own a house out here. (We try to joke about it... just like their "death box" of instructions if they both suddenly die.)
Now I am farther away from Philly than ever, still far from my family and friends, and have to deal with every day knowing I am not too far from "Them". I still have to see people that don't know I am not with the company, asking me about them. See people wearing the company's logo'd shirts (saw 2 different freakin ones today), and occasionally see my old co-workers.
They allowed me unemployment, which is less than half of what I was getting paid, allowed me Cobra, which is insanely expensive, allowed me to continue to pay for life insurance and disability insurance -which is also not cheap. I still have the same bills I was trying to pay while being "paycheck to paycheck" and single income. My mortgage/car/utilities are still the same, I just can't afford them. I met with Family Services, who I get counseling with, and looked into what aid I was eligible for. I can get some counseling thankfully, but I have been told that I am in "the donut hole". That means that I really don't qualify for any aid, but even though I don't make enough to pay my bills, I make too much to get aid. Awesome.
So what have I been doing while trying to find a job? -and yes, I have been looking. Alot.
I started taking all of the classes at the Library that I was never able to take because I was working, or had signed up for and then was called in to work anyways and had to miss it. I took almost every single class at Career Link, and am on a first name basis with Wesley at the front desk, and some of the "teachers" too. Some of the teachers would even ask me for info, as I would mention things in one class they taught that they felt would be good for the present class to know about. I started volunteering again. I always was big on doing volunteer work while in my insurance industry jobs, but the last job wasn't easy to work with, as I would want to do something, and they always had something else I needed to do that day. Meals on Wheels was my first choice, as my Mother is one of the founders of the Bucks/Montgomery group, and drove me and my brother around while we were babies, delivering meals. I decided to take 2 routes, as it only takes about 2 hours, and the people are just so gracious and get so much joy from just a few minutes of time visiting with them. I also am finding great joy at the Veterans Affairs office that is near me. My father had been receiving some medical attention there for a while before he passed away a few years back. I work with the Community Living Center, and help out with the events/parties/games they have on the ward, and truly have met some amazing people who are as excited to see me as I am them. John keeps praying for me to find a job. I told him that I need all of the help I can get!
After getting only responses in the job hunt for $8/hour jobs, thinking something would have to be coming along soon, I finally realized I just have to do what I can for now. I took a salesfloor job at Target that is $8/hour, and benefits only after 1,000 hours of work. You do get a 10% employee discount. I thought it would keep me from being as depressed, and give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I didn't realize how physically demanding it is on my old body. I wind up spending most of the day lifting/reaching/stretching to grab stuff on high shelves/crawling around on my knees to work the lower shelves. It is so not fun. It was even more depressing when I realized that I was making $8/hour when I was 9 years old. When I first entered the insurance industry, it started with a mailroom job for $11/hour, when I was 17 or 18 years old. The kids I managed in the last position started at $9/hour. My first paycheck for 3 weeks and 50 hours of hard work, is what I made in part of a week before.
Everyone keeps saying "it will happen". A good job will come along. But so much time has already passed and every day it gets rougher and rougher to deal with. Feeling unwanted and under-appreciated. It has been such a terribly painful journey, and the scars are still so freakin raw that it still amazes me.
Ok, enough for now.
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